“Do it. Just do it. No body cares if it sucks. Most people don’t even care about the great things out there so they most certainly aren’t going to give two shits about your sucky thing.” Side note: “Two shits” has always confused me as a term. Does giving one shit mean you care more or less about the thing? Anyway. This is how I start most of my creative projects. You know, those things where you put actual bits of yourself into something, so on the high probability that you get a critic, it could be potentially devastating… if you’re not all resilient and all. I ask myself: “What the hell do ya got to loose, Karly?!” That’s how I begin.
And that’s how Pigtails and Pantielines was born.
Last fall I was going through a serious third-life crisis/reckoning/cocooning/loosing my damn mind/ finding my damn mind/discovery/flowering/upheaval/comin’ to the edge/arrival–I could go on all day, folks. My 29th year on earth. Married for nine years. Three young kids. A flailing home-based business. A new-ish city. Almost zero friends. No money. And I was done. Done with it all. Imagine that scene from Game of Thrones where Daenerys Targaryen strolls into the tent of her captors and burns the mother down, people and all, and then she steps out of the ashes beautiful and naked, perfectly plush breast, a queen. That was basically going to be me, although I was pretty realistic about the position of my breasts on my chest. They just didn’t quite recover from breastfeeding three kids the way I’d hoped.
So there I was, still smoldering, not yet ash risen, complaining to a friend about all the things that were wrong in my life. All the ways I was held back. All the things I COULDN’T do. And, after my long rant, he finally asked: “Well Karly, what CAN you do?”
“Ummmmmmmmmm, I could start a meet up group and see if I can actually meet some people that I really connect with.”
“Would you actually do that?”
“UHHH mmmmm, yeah!” (See: paragraph 1 sentence 1 and 2)
Then I got to work creating the most ridiculous set of “guidelines” (see below) and name for these imaginary people that were definitely not going to join. But as it turned out, I wasn’t the only one desperately searching for more.
PIG TAILS AND PANTIELINES: Who we are…
This group is for imperfect moms who are ready to get real, stop bullshitting, pull off those mask of perfectionism, and start connecting with other tribe members, so that we can figure out how not only to survive this thing called motherhood, but to thrive in a world of suppose-ta-bes and supposed-ta-dos. This group gives moms a safe, judgement-free space to laugh, cry, and tell our stories. Because let’s face it, adulting is hard and we all need a safe place, a tribe of like-minded women who support and empower each other.
- Laughing and crying will happen- We don’t know when and we don’t always know why, but when you’re in a safe space wrestling with the hard shit, both are bound to erupt like Mount St. Helen at some point, all of which will feel like it’s happening at the most inopportune time.
- We don’t take ourselves too seriously- Who hasn’t forgotten a kids birthday, driven to work with your phone on the roof of the car, substituted breastmilk in your kid’s smoothie because you forgot to grab almond at the store, or strutted around the mall feelings pretty damn good about yourself only to realize your pants are unzipped and your matchy-matchy black outfit is actually a black and dark blue? Seriously, ladies… we ALL do it!
- Honesty- Honesty is hard and scary but absolutely critical to creating meaningful, authentic relationships. And if you are joining this group, that’s what you’re after, right?
- Confidentiality- When your soul is lying buck naked in a room full of strangers, it is vital that nobody outside that room finds out about it. We got your back, girlfriend.
- Validation- This is PARAMOUNT! We all come from different backgrounds and have different stories to tell. And while it’s impossible for everyone to come completely judgement- and prejudice-free, it’s going to be really important for us to recognize our own inclinations towards judgement, and then validate, validate, validate anyway.
We want this to be a safe place!
- No boys allowed- Penis-free zone. Not that we don’t love our guys, but there’s a time and a place, and this is not it!
- Absolutely no politics allowed—unless we are all in agreement that Donald Trump is a d-bag (but how would we even know that?)
- LOVE- Love, you guys–this is where it’s at. We are from all walks of life and we don’t have to like everyone, but we always want to practice love and kindness towards those around us.
There it is. It was some sort of divine gathering. The universe heard our pleas. On that very first meet up, I met some of the most amazing human beings. We got each other. We asked real questions. Gave real answers. And we were feeling empowered and free by the amount of f-bombs we all felt comfortable dropping having just met one another. And that, my friends, is what we hope to offer here. None of us have this thing called life figured out–or this thing called blogging either, for that matter. We are all growing, learning, crying, and laughing together. And while you might not get much in the way of “how-tos” (which is a totally overrated practice in our opinion), we do hope to give you a lot of “me toos!” Because in the end, thats what we are all searching for, a safe place to belong, flaws and all.